Summer prison

It's so hot! Well, its already summer, and we really cant blame anyone or anything. Yesterday, sleeping in the afternoon was a really bad idea. After at least 3 hours of sleep, i woke up so dehydrated and so sticky that my first instinct was to take a bath. After that, I drank some water, but unfortunately, walang malamig, lahat sobrang luke warm. I had to put 3 ice in the glass and put it inside the freezer for a couple of minutes. I cooled of at my parent's room, fresh from air con.
That evening, I had to sleep at my parent's, cause of the freaking heat (only air-conditioned room in the house). Miss ko na Christmas!!!! I thought this ridiculous heat is the worst part of summer.

Guess I was wrong.........

I came to the idea that maybe summer isnt that great. I dont really remeber if I was excited about summer or what, but I feel so empty and scared of doing nothing for such a long time. I couldnt really trust my friends to fill the void, most of them are home buddies, and considering money, I cant afford frequent outings. There are so many people I miss. Even though internet offers easy communication, it just feels different than normal encounters. I actually planned to make this summer fruitful, focusing on skill enhancement. After just a few weeks, it wasnt enough to make me happy. I never missed school so much before. I dont know why but I feel like a prisoner, no where to go.... a dreamer, no future to look forward to..... a bum, whose companies are only himself and the streets (or in my case, the walls)

I actually realized this time of year how much Ive changed since the first day my sophomore year. Now that schools away from me, I can think of so many things I could have done, or shouldnt have done. I realized how many people I have taken for granted, and so many blessings I have taken for granted. Now that I have come to realize how much of an insensitive prick I've become, I think God is doing things to make me feel what other people felt back in those school days. I never felt so sorry for doing something. Now, I feel proud of myself for facing these regrets and insecurities. I know that its for my own good.

I just want to say how much I am sorry to those people I hurt, and to those people whom I shouldve paid attention more. I guess it might be fear... fear of accepting other people in my lives... fear of being hurt... fear of change.....