When I look back to my past, I see how much I've changed in personality, and of course looks, however unneccessary. Even before I attended school, I was a spoiled brat, being the bunso, and the most lucky child for being born in the more succesful times of our family. I was inhibited and was the baby of our family, consuming the attention of everyone in the house. Sometimes, wala akong takot sagutin yung mga adults sa amin, pinsan man or tita. It was a past I dont want to go back to. Yet, my brothers back then were fond of cornering me and teasing me. Siyempre, di ako lumalaban, bunso eh.
When I was in Prep, I had all my friends on my clutches. I was their boss, like for example when I have an argument with someone, I would easily tell everyone to ignore that person, and people will follow me. I had no sense of morality back then, no conscience, only the excessive desire for attention.
However, I was a home buddy. I didnt make any friends outside our house. I usually exaggerated that my parents' overprotection was the reason of my shyness with neighbors.
I cant really remember much when I was in grade 1, all I can remember was taking my card from Ms. Badiola. She was saying how much she will miss me. There were no bad memories back then. It was in Grade 2 that I felt na pinagiinitan ako ng teacher--si Ms Calambro. I dont really know why, but she always see me as an idiot, a hopeless idiotic social speck. I frequently failed in Math back then, having lines of 7. Maybe that was the reason.
In Grade 3, I remember jumping up and down on card day when I found out that I was relieved from the bottom ranks and promoted to top 23. This is one memory that i find funny up to now. Mrs. Posadas, unlike Calambro, is fond of me.
I believe that it was in Grade 4 that I started my gradual metamorphosis as a person. My adviser warned my parents that I was making all sorts of wrong peers, and my parents told me to stay away from them, which I did. In Grade 5, my bestfriend in grade 3 was my bestfriend then. He was such a fun company, we could create silly stories, often satirical of the people we know in school. I was still a spoiled brat then.
Grade 6 was the loneliest year of my life. This was the time that my inner anti-social behavior was most active. Of course, in the pasy years before I was generally shy, been known as a silent son whenever my mom (or my whole family) would go out for a social gathering. I didnt made much friends. This year was the foundation of my ongoing evolution of my principles about friendship and faith. This was also the year that I excelled in my studies, making it finally in the class top 10. But however, I became very obsessed with my grades. I became boastful and arrogant. This would go on up to my first year in high school.
Grade 7 and My first year was not at all different, I was still the grade-hungry, shy me. I've made enemies because of this. This arrogance bore forth the goodness in me. Somehow, I've learned so much from people's frustration of me, especially of my family's, na naka-cope ako mag bago ng ugali. I also found God in the process. I learned to rely on him, with Him being my only confidante and friend.
During the 2nd year, I attended some social programs. With the shy mentality still intact, I didnt made that much friends. This embarassed me very much, and I still cringe on the replays of this isolation. I forced myself to be more agressive. My efforts paid off. I acquired so much friends last year. I joined organiztions in my school. There were so many people who wanted to become my friend. I was happy.
With all of this pride brought about by my social blooming, I became a jerk. I looked down on people, and thought that i was better than most of them. Naging plastic ako, and backstabber. When My friends started hating me for this, I realized na bumalik lang ako sa prep days ko, to my old domineering self.
It made me feel so bad, I even felt na wala na si God sa tabi ko. I urged myself to change. It was then I realized na I took for granted my friends because I was blinded by my expectations of what a friend should be. (Kasi since the start of the year, I was praying for a particular kind of friend). Narealize ko na i expected too much, and accepted so less.
My life was a rollecoaster of shattered dreams, horrible scars and emotional depression. Pero sobrang thankful ako na I went through them, cause I learned to grow. Ngayon I feel like I am maturing. I have a strong knowledge of wrong ang right. I disposed my old habits of backstabbing and kaplastikan.
Ngayon I am so confident about trials in my life, na dati sobrang pinagpepray ko na di ko ma go through. People now confide in me, they say na mabait ako and good friend, surprising kasi I dont think of myself that way.
I met God along the way.
Sobrang na realize ko na trials are more significant than happy times in my life.
Pero hindi siya happy-ever-after. Ang dami ko pang pagdadaanan. Its only been a fraction of a time in my cocoon.
